Two Illnesses
THE ILLNESS: Two nasty illnesses make me an even better target: Narcolepsy and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Variant. Narcolepsy is the funny disease that's no laughing matter. People laugh when we suddenly fall asleep and plummet forward into the mashed potatoes and gravy. It isn't funny to us. Fortunately, my condition is not severe. My body gives me 30-45 minutes warning, then I HAVE to take a nap.
We can't stay awake for a full day, and we can't get a normal night's sleep either. Our bodies wake up after 2-6 hours sleep, full of energy and ready to put in a full day's work - for several hours. Then we have to nap again. Most of us could live very nicely, thank you, if we could only sleep when our bodies wanted to sleep, and wake when our bodies want to wake. But we can't function in society if our sleep/wake patterns are totally different from everyone else. Amphetamines are prescribed to keep us awake so we can function in society. Sleeping medication is prescribed so we can get some sleep.
But sleeping medication, gives me a foggy, disorientated hang-over that lasts for days. So I take a drug holiday several days a week so I can sleep 4 hours, wake 2, sleep 3, wake 9, sleep 6, wake 2 or whatever pattern my body wants that day. Or night.
If I HAVE to try to keep to a normal schedule for more than several days, and I am awakened by late night phone calls, I go into sleep deprivation. This is very unpleasant. It was first used by the North Koreans as part of their brain washing tactics. Other repressive regimes quickly learned sleep deprivation made their citizens willing to do anything, or confess to any thing, just to get some sleep. If you've ever had to go without sleep for a long time, you know you'd do ANYTHING just for some sleep.
Narcoleptics also often experience catalepsy. Startled, we often fall down in a boneless mass, unable to move for seconds or minutes. My catalepsy spells are mild, almost unnoticeable. Under stress the ignition wires in my brain start cutting out. I sit, or stand, with a stupid look on my face, missing much of the conversation around me. I hear isolated, unrelated bits and pieces of conversations. I have become very good at concealing this with non-committal remarks and an apparent interested expression. Someday I am going to be in a meeting where the speaker is demonstrating how to milk poisonous snakes, two people are talking to me, and someone is going to say to me, very calmly, The building is on fire, and the lower floors are total involved. And I will say, Oh, really? How interesting.
This is what happened to me at my trial. And probably afterwards as well, since I had a very hard time believing that I'd been found guilty of possessing an abandoned vehicle.
But wait! There's more! Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Variant. This is a periodically painful disease with bouts of lassitude, exhaustion, and incredible weakness. Sometimes I become too weak to even walk, and have to crawl. Also, if I become chilled, I cannot raise my body temperature simply by wrapping up in blankets. I have to use a heating pad, or small heater.
After much denial, resistance, and counseling by my incredibly patient doctor, (Darn it! You can't walk on a broken leg! So don't try to walk on a broken brain!!!) I've learned to avoid getting too cold, to carry in three bags of groceries, wait several hours, carry in three more.
Several days a week I let my body sleep however and whenever it wants.
I was making excellent progress learning how to live with my illnesses, and was looking forward to going back to work. Then this nightmare started.