BMOCMLL to Fight Bounty County Commission
BMOCMLL says planning department must remain to protect "the children"
SMUCKWAP NEWSSERVICE, SANDPOINT, ID
In a daring, unheard of in this century--wild even for the wild west--move, two newly
elected Bounty county commissioners disbanded the Bureau to Make Our Cities More Like
Lensk (BMOCMLL), the countyís building, zoning and planning department.
BMOCMLL, as a county bureaucracy, was named after the city in the former Soviet
Union, Lensk, in honor of the communist state-controlled building regulations
enforced there before the fall.
The daring duo of Bounty County Commissioners Larry B. Goodfolk and Bud Manyman
promised in their campaign to diminish government at the county level, specifically
government departments that intrude the most into peoplesí lives. Their plucky first
step was to dispel the BMOCMLL and to declare all building codes null and void.
In a public meeting in Sandpoint, BMOCMLL Spokesperson Mr. Zibig W. Alletski, writhed
in dull-gray fury: "How dare those commissioners attempt to intrude upon our Bureauís
sacred duty of proclaiming that every single step in every single stair in every
single building must be a regulation 6.15578191625 inches high? What about codes
determining the shape, size, and characteristic of every window in every building,
not to mention every electrical outlet, every inch of drywall, every block of cement,
every square foot of space?
"Who is to provide the millions of building codes we believe are absolutely necessary
for the safety of our population, not to mention provide us members of the Bureau
with a hearty living? And what about the children?"
Alletski had no comment when asked how well modern building codes fared in the recent
"Ice Storm í96."
Nearly all of the buildings built prior to the adoption of county building codes,
including schools built in the 1930s, weathered the storm undamaged while buildings,
including schools built in the 1990s, fell down.
However, when questioned on this topic repeatedly by this Smuckwap News reporter,
Alletski turned redder and redder and redder, perhaps an indication of where his
loyalties and political inclinations lie.
Spokesman for the True American Center Which Seems to Be Idaho These Days, Mr. Notso
R. Adical, competed for the mike at the public meeting with Alletski. "Notably," said
Adical, "in America it has somehow become a revolutionary concept to hog-tie a
bureaucrat. These bureaucrats have become the unofficial legislators and overseers of
our lives. Donít know about you folks, but itís starting to bore me to tears," Adical
stated to a round of applause from the citizens at the meeting.
Adical continued, "In the latter part of the 20th century, it has come to be seen
as a radical, right-wing sort of concept that a regular, intelligent, normal
citizen doesnít need government of any level, federal, state, local, county, village,
not to mention his mother-in-law and his wife, for peteís sake, telling him how to
take every little baby step, how to build every little stair, and how to lay every
Citizens of Bounty county seem to agree with Adical. In letters to the Bureau, to
the commissioners and to our beloved free press, citizens have opined they donít
happen to think millions of building codes have done them much good. One letter
from Post Falls resident Herb A. Lot stated, "my wife and I have seen pictures of
Lensk and man, it is one ugly town! We would like to have our cities show some
American individuality, spunk, and color, not the gray, boring, have-to-wait-in-a-
line-for-ten-hours-just-to-buy-toilet-paper atmosphere of Lensk! Weíre glad the
Bureau has been disbanded and itís about time, too!"
Alletski, a former member of Washington, D.C.ís exclusive Federal Commission of
Expanding the Bureaucracy to Meet the Needs of the Expanding Bureaucracy, vowed
he would fight the new commissionersí decision to disband the county building code
providers. "We will battle this decree tooth and nail," shouted the small, gray,
determined little man. Jasmine Wantwit, another member of the Bureau, tearfully
proclaimed, "Unregulated construction is a potential hazard to every person living
in Bounty county, especially the small, tiny, children. Why, the children might get
hurt! This is and has been our major concern all along, of course. We also wanted
to make our cities more like Lensk, because Lensk runs pretty well, and besides
the bureaucracy used to have it pretty good over there, just as we do here. But our
main goal was to protect innocent children."
It looks like the grand battle of the century is heating up in Bounty county. Every
other American county is now poised on its county seat, on the edge of its county
chair, watching and waiting to see what happens next. Will the bureau members fight
their disbandment as only bureaucrats can?
Will the fearless duo manage to subdue the gray eminences of Lenskhood? Stay
tuned for further developments.
The Bureau to Make Our Cities More Like Lensk, Patricia Neill, ©1997