What Is the Matter With Me? by Ronn Jackson When I wake up in the morning I have this feeling. It is hard to describe, and I can’t put my finger on it. I throw the blanket over and sit up. As I am doing so, a piece of paper scratches my nose. I grab it and find that it is sewn onto the blanket. I put on my glasses that are made to government specifications. I remember that there is a tag on the mattress, and I’m sure the mattress also complies to one or more government regulations. I remember that the bed is a government taxed item; the pillows have government labels and all of the bedroom accessories are taxed by the government. And, of course, regulated by the government. I light a cigarette that has a government warning on the outside of the heavily government controlled and taxed package, and I notice a government warning on the outside of the government taxed and regulated lighter. I walk across the carpet, which is regulated and taxed by the government and go into the bathroom. Mother nature calls. I flush the government specified toilet, using government owned and taxed water. I wash my hands with soap regulated and taxed by the government again using government water, and dry them with a government regulated and taxed towel. I brush my teeth with a government regulated and taxed toothbrush and toothpaste, using government water. I walk back over to the bed, put on my government regulated and taxed robe and slippers, and walk into the kitchen. I get down a can of government regulated and taxed coffee, fill the government controlled, taxed and regulated perculator with government water, plug in the appliance to a government controlled, regulated and taxed outlet to use government controlled, regulated and taxed electricity. My wife comes into the kitchen wearing her government controlled and taxed night clothing, followed by our children wearing government controlled and taxed clothes, carrying government controlled and sometimes government written school books. We have breakfast composed of government controlled and regulated food that has been taxed by the government. When finished, I usher the children outside, cross a government sidewalk and put them on a government bus that takes them to a government school to learn what the government tells them to learn. I return to my home, which I purchased with a government loan, and am reminded that my government taxes are due soon and government required insurance is also due. I kiss my wife (our marriage required a government license) and go out and get into my car, which was built under government regulation and which was taxed and licensed by the government. I start it, using government controlled and taxed fuel and oil, and back out onto a government street. I drive to work, obeying government signs and government lights, and park in a government controlled and taxed facility. I go into my place of employment, which is controlled and taxed by the government, and sit down at my desk in an environment controlled by the government. As I do my job, I’m using materials made to government specifications. My $10.00 per hour wage is assessed by four government agencies, and my work product is controlled, shipped and taxed by the government. My conduct is regulated by the government, and my timecard is >screwtinized< by the government. I go to lunch in a facility controlled and taxed by the government, and I’m served food that is regulated, controlled and taxed by the government. I return to work, and make several phone calls which are controlled, taxed and regulated by the government. When my day is over, my supervisor stops at my desk and asks me to contribute to her boss’ campaign fund for government office. On my way home, using government streets, I stop to buy government controlled and taxed liquor and cigarettes. Outside, I stop and purchase a newspaper from a stand that has a government warning on it. In the twenty-minute drive to my home I pass a government owned police car, a government owned fire truck, a government owned garbage truck, a government owned mass-transit bus and a government owned street sweeper. When I arrive home I pick up my mail, which has been delivered by government employees. The mail includes four bills, all of which have government fees attached to them. I turn on the television, which is regulated and taxed by the government, to watch the news. A government spokesperson says that the government is going to reduce taxes. I pour myself a drink in a government controlled and taxed glass and sit down in a chair that I paid government taxes on and reflect upon my day. My family is all in bed, and my thoughts are still on that feeling I had this morning. Something is still on my mind, and I’m no nearer to a solution than I was then. Maybe..., I think, and then I push those bad thoughts right out of my mind. This is America! This is the land of Liberty and Freedom! I know I’m free. The government tells me that I am. © 1997 Ronn Jackson